The Great Croissant Lamp Controversy

First, people should not be eating lamps they bought off Temu.

Sep 12, 2024

In the pantheon of French pastries, the croissant reigns supreme — a golden, flaky testament to centuries of baking mastery. And yet, in a twist worthy of a Camus novel, the croissant now finds itself at the center of an aesthetic controversy that could rival Marie Antoinette's (misquoted) "Let them eat cake!"

This week, the internet discovered that a croissant-shaped lamp from Temu, was, in fact, made of a real croissant, thanks to this girl who tore into the light and then actually took a taste.

@froginahatgirl Pls explain temu

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Our initial reaction is of shock — we know Temu is a capitalist colossus mired in environmental and labor evils, and we know they are cheap. But so cheap as to turn an actual piece of bread into a lamp?

I mean, yeah. But there’s more to it than that.

The croissant lamp is not a new phenomenon. In fact the bread-as-lighting category began in at least 2018 (possibly earlier) and hit hard with Brooklynites who like to indulge in decorative irony. Mociun, the NYC-based jewelry brand and home goods shop, has been selling croissant and bread lamps for several years.

Yuyiko Morita’s lamps, made of real bread.

These handcrafted pieces are made by a Japanese artist named Yukiko Morita, who sells her wares under the brand name Pampshade. And guess what? They are made of real bread. On purpose. And unlike Temu, Pampshade’s mission is at least somewhat environmentally driven: Morita purchases “unsold bread” “at the highest possible price” to create something out of soon-to-be trash.

Therefore, we should not discount bread as a worthy medium.

Just recently Mrs. Selena Gomez aka Benny Blanco showed off his home to Architectural Digest, and aside from it being a tour I didn’t actually hate, he pointed out a chair made of baguettes:

Created by Lola Abbey of Dadybones, this chair isn’t just decorative; you can apparently sit on it although Blanco says he’s too scared to try.

dadybones

A post shared by @dadybones

In 2022, rapper Tommy Cash collaborated with artist Gab Bois to create a conceptual Bellini-esque sofa made from brioche. Although the two hoped IKEA could make turn this into reality, the concept never panned out.

tommycashworld

A post shared by @tommycashworld

In 2020, Laila Gohar and Sam Stewart created this edible lounger:

And, when you work in the world of decor and DIY SEO, as I did for many years of my career, you learn that uneaten bread is entirely useful in your home. Among other things, you can use a slice to wipe off a dusty painting. (But should you?? The internet doesn’t care.)

Even scientists are figuring out how to use burnt bread to make carbon foam that could be used as insulation.

This is all to say that we are living in unprecedented times where we have to decide what is more absurd: turning a culinary icon into a decorative lamp? Or finding out that someone actually ate it?

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Schmatta is written by Leonora Epstein, a former shelter pub editor-in-chief. Follow at @_leonoraepstein and/or @schmattamag. For consulting and collab requests, please visit my website.