In writing this edition, I asked my husband to help me think of something funny to say about kids’ chairs. The 52-year-old man came up with the following:
“It’s gotta be poop. Maybe think of, like, the design of them and how poop would either come through or go off of them. Think about the design and how accidents would happen. Some chairs might have perforations in them where the poop could turn into a coffee drip situation or some chairs have ramps where the poop can slide off.”
Okay. (Ramps??)
Here are my more boring but infinitely more mature thoughts: In our blissful childless days, my husband and I were at a party at the Hollywood Hills home of a music producer. It was my dream house — a Spanish with perfectly preserved details/pool in a lush backyard/filled with tasteful decor. But I flipped out even more when I spied into their kids’ playroom, which featured a table with two mini Eames molded fiberglass armchairs. My womb fully aflame for the first time, I now knew two things: A) man was made to procreate solely to put tiny butts into beautiful things, and B) expensive, designy kids’ furniture is the ultimate rich person flex.
I later learned that the Eameses never made kids’ versions of the molded fiberglass chairs, meaning those ones I saw in the Hollywood house were likely Amazon knockoffs. (Go figure.)
However, Eames and many other iconic designers did make kids’ chairs and I’ve done my best to round up the snazziest/most interesting. I have to give a hat tip to Rarify and the Atlas of Furniture Design for guiding my research.
And yes, we will be rating all of these on the Poop Hazard Scale with 1 being “poop not a problem” and 10 being “poop causing heartache.”
Eames Children’s Plywood Chair
(Image via Eames Office)
Date: 1945
Material: Wood
Availability: Rare
The Eames elephant chair is probably the more famous of their children’s furniture, but this petite chair is quite rare. Kelsey Keith advises that “it’s not something to actually sit on (it’s also TINY, like doll chair size).” These are rare and hard to come by, but there’s one currently on Chairish for $6,295.
Poop Hazard Scale: 6. Plywood should be fairly easy to wipe down, but you might have a stroke that someone pooped on your rare, $6k chair.
Knoll/Bertoia Diamond Chair
(Image via Knoll)
Year: Early 2000s (1952)
Material: Steel and fabric cover
Availability: Complicated
Bertoia’s Diamond Chair was originally produced (in grown-up size) in 1952, and in the early 2000s, Knoll began producing a child’s version. According to Knoll, they are not currently being manufactured. While there’s a site called Hive that says you can order one, I called them and they explained that the chairs were relaunched but then stopped production for some unknown reason.
However, in the ‘50s, Knoll made another steel wire design for kids, which is far easier to come buy. A pair on Chairish costs $850.
Poop Hazard Scale: 7. If poop occurs with the pad on, that may be tough to clean. But without the pad, it might just go straight through.
Verner Panton/Vitra Junior Chair
(Image via Finnish Design Shop)
Year: 2000s (1967)
Material: Polypropylene
Availability: Easy
This modernist one-piece plastic chair was introduced in 1967. Vitra began making a child’s version in 2008, which is 25 percent smaller than the original. Other colors include yellow, pink, red, green, and orange. Smallable has them for $315 a pop.
Poop Hazard Scale: 1. Wipe it up and forget it.
Thonet Bentwood Child’s Chair
(Image via 1stdibs)
Date: 1910
Materials: Wood and cane
Availability: Rare-ish, but around
Thonet, one of the oldest furniture makers, produced mini versions of their classic bentwood designs throughout the turn/early 20th century. There are plenty of vintage chairs like this out there “in the style of Thonet,” but if you want the real deal, check to see if it’s signed. This signed original one can be found on 1stdibs for $460.
Poop Hazard Scale: 10. Cane. Ugh.
Josef Hoffmann/Thonet Child’s Chair
(Image via Continuum 20th Century Design)
Date: Early 1900s?
Materials: Wood and cane
Availability: Good luck
According to 20th Century Design Continuum: “To our knowledge this is the only example to come to market.” If you want this singular design, snatch it for $3,500.
Poop Hazard Scale: 10. For difficulty to clean but also for this being possibly the only Hoffmann kids’ chair.
Hans Wegner Wishbone Chair for Kids
(Image via Carl Hansen)
Date: 2024 (1949)
Materials: Solid oak, woven paper cord
Availability: Readily available
Apparently, Carl Hansen & Son has just released a child’s version of the Wishbone chair — it dropped on April 2, in honor of Wegner’s 110th birthday. You can order through Rarify (for $845 each).
Poop Hazard Scale: Definite 10. You will never, ever get all the poop out of tightly knit paper cord and you will have to spend even more money in therapy to get over the incident.
Marcel Breuer Chairs
(Images via MoMA and Boisbuchet)
Dates: 1929 and 1923
Materials: (1) steel and canvas, (2) lacquered wood
Availability: Nope
Designer of the famed Wassily and Cesca chairs, Marcel Breuer made a few children’s chairs, none of which you’ll find available to the general public. The cantilevered design on the left was once on display at MoMA. The right is a creation of the Bauhaus.
Poop Hazard Scale: 10…that is if your child is being reckless at a museum and taking sneaky shits on the artwork.
Jens Risom/Knoll Child’s Chair
(Image via Knoll)
Date: Early 2000s (1943)
Materials: Honey beech hardwood, nylon
Availability: Complicated
Introduced in the early 2000s, Knoll produced an unknown number of miniature versions of Risom’s 600 series chair. Like other Knoll kids’ products, getting your hands on this doesn’t seem easy. Knoll says the chairs are no longer in production, but there are sites out there that claim to be selling them. ::shrug emoji::**
Poop Hazard Scale: 3. The nylon has a water-repellent finish!
**While we’re on this subject of Knoll’s production of kids’ furniture, they did make a kiddie Womb chair (that is no longer in production) but there’s one currently available via Rarify for $5,500 (ouch). And it’s WHITE.
Alvar Aalto/Artek N65 Children’s Chair
(Image via Artek)
Date: (Current?) 1935
Material: Birch wood
Availability: Very
Super Scandi design! I’m not clear on when Artek began producing the smaller version of the N65 chair, but Aalto did design a number kids’ chairs in the 1930s. If you Google it, a number of places sell them from $450 to $630.
Poop Hazard Scale: 1. But can’t we find something similar at IKEA for like, less than the cost of Taylor Swift tickets?
Gaetano Pesce UP Junior
(Image via B&B Italia)
Date: 2014 (1969)
Material: Polyurethane foam
Availability: Limited! But out there.
Gaetano Pesce, rest his soul, came up with this design in 1969 as a symbol of women’s injustice. “Women suffer because of the prejudice of men. The chair was supposed to talk about this problem,” Pesce said. B&B Italia makes a mini version, so you might as well begin your toddler’s education on feminism and patriarchal oppression now. The cost is a lot for the average person, but not as obscene as I would have thought ($1,825). Two in stock now.
Poop Hazard Scale: 6. Just don’t expect mom to clean it up.
What chairs did I miss? Leave a note in the comments. Or, tell me about a time that poop ruined your furniture.
the best designer chair for kids is mothers lap.
still ,a very cool column.