Welcome, readers, to the odd time of year when retailers are trying to sell you “seasonal fall decor” (oh I have OPINIONS); you’re shocked by the prices of Halloween candy; and, it’s oddly “Paint Color of the Year” season.

If you’ve been a subscriber for a while, then you know I’ve long been on the “Paint Color of the Year” beat. Otherwise known in industry as the acronym:

C

O

T

Y

Aka “color of the year”/COTY/COTY(s).

The timing of COTYs is odd. Come September/October, major paint companies announce their “colors of the year” for the following year. So the announcements we’ve been getting now are for 2027.

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And, depending on who you ask in the paint industry, COTYs are mostly marketing and PR efforts.

Still, each year, I feel compelled to devote mental and intellectual space to COTYs. Not because I believe paint companies have any particular ability to predict which colors we’ll all be painting our living rooms, but because they’ve taken on the responsibility of diagnosing the national mood on an annual basis.

And what’s remarkable is how little their diagnoses change. For the better part of six years, paint companies have been telling us that we’re seeking the same things: calm, comfort, connection, and a sense of being grounded. There are subtle peaks and valleys, but it all comes back to the same retail-oriented mentality: YOU NEED HELP! YOUR LIFE IS A MESS! AND PAINT WILL SAVE YOU!

Looking at what America has been through since 2020, I can hardly argue with the assessment that we’re all in some degree of economic and emotional distress. It’s been a shitshow!

And need I list in dramatic fashion all the epic shitshowiness the United States, nay, the world has been through this year alone? No, I need not. You know it.

But then again, when has the world not been in some state of upheaval? When have people not craved a little peace and stability? At a certain point, these announcements start to feel less like observations about the cultural zeitgeist and more like statements about the human condition. And the statement is: “We’re permanently fucked.”

To which I pray, to an unknown, cocaine-fueled god: GOD, WON’T SOMEONE DELIVER US BACK TO THE ‘80S?

But I digress.

Let us take a look at what “2027” is telling us in terms of color. In the table below, I’ve listed the three most recognizable American paint brands and their COTYs since 2025.

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Reminder to paid subs: This month, you’re automatically entered to win an Aarke sparkling water machine. Not a paid subscriber? Upgrade here so you can enter!

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I am simultaneously impressed and bored by toilets.

Impressed because:

• When you think about it, it’s kind of a miracle that humankind has figured out a system in which everyone’s shit just magically disappears. And the fact that some form of plumbing has existed since ancient times…it’s astounding, really.

Bored because:

• The toilet has hardly evolved since the 20th century. It has become standard, uninteresting, and frankly, ugly. (BTW, same thing goes for light switches, although that’s changing. You can read my exploration in the New York Times here.)

Everywhere you go, it’s the same design rendered in white, which is truly a terrible color for a toilet. Apparently, toilets are white because that is the natural hue of porcelain after it’s fired. I’d also imagine it had something to do with the Victorians, who popularized subway tile as a material that was deemed most sanitary.

But, if you look hard enough, there are several instances of people who have dared to reinterpret the toilet, which we’ll be examining in today’s post. We’ll also look at sources for great toilets should you be considering a bathroom renovation anytime soon.

Apropos of kind of nothing, here is a kid on Instagram who is obsessed with toilets:

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Welcome to October!

Here’s some good news for all you paid subscribers: we have a very, very cool giveaway this month from the good people at Aarke. They’re giving away an Aarke Carbonator 3 in heritage green.

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I became aware of Aarke around three years ago when I was searching for a new French press for my husband. It’s a Swedish company that has a cult…

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I want to start of today’s edition with a question for the group chat. Would you rather…

A) Buy a home with great architectural bones under-market price that needs cosmetic work

-or-

B) Spend above-market for a move-in ready home that lacks character?

I am squarely in category “A”. And I recently came across a home that, I swear, is the deal of the century …

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(A disclaimer: I rarely speak negatively about my past work experiences. It’s not a good look. But more than a decade has passed, this company no longer exists, and I’ve always felt that I’ve had the right to tell this story.)

In 2015, I found myself in the worst, most toxic work environment I’ve ever experienced.

I was in my late twenties, and was broug…

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[I’m running a “Birthday Month Special” on paid subscriptions for all of August. Only $4.80/month and you’ll have access to all my Ultimate Home Shopping Guides!]

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Do you know why Zillow is called Zillow? It’s a portmanteau of “zillion” and “pillow”: “zillion” for the enormous amount of real estate information on the platform, and “pillow” for a place to rest your head, something that evokes home. Make of that what you will.

(That’s a fairly random way into this post, but it came up in my research and I refuse to waste a perfectly good piece of Zillow trivia.)

Anyway, today’s post is about a much tinier piece of Zillow real estate: the little upper-left blurb agents get to put on a listing that appears in search results. Internally, Zillow calls it a “headline.”

Ostensibly, this is a realtor’s chance to stop a buyer mid-scroll. For the most part, agents stick to the standards:

• High ceilings

• New roof

• Wood-burning fireplace

• Modern updates

• Blah blah blah

Interestingly, Zillow has a guide for writing successful descriptions that include words statistically proven to add value including:

Captivating: Homes with a median estimated value in the top third of the market sold for 6.5% more than their expected price when listings included this word.

Other words found to add value: Stainless (appliances), granite, basketball (hoop or court), landscaped, pergola, remodel, tile, upgraded and updated, impeccable and beautiful.

— Zillow Real Estate Description Guide

But when it comes to that little “headline,” sometimes realtors use this space to editorialize and “get creative,” and I love to see it. There’s two categories of amusement: 1) the realtors who are straight-up lying and 2) people who are really trying to sell it. I’ve collected a bunch that caught my attention, taken from listings across the country and across budgets.

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“Sweet” side porch, dude.

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Great news, y’all. Noihsaf Bazaar is going to give one of you $200 to spend on whatever you please. Read on to find out entry rules.

If you’re unfamiliar: Noihsaf (“fashion” backwards) is one of my favorite resale marketplaces for clothing (contemporary and vintage) and homegoods. It’s curated, and features lots of great independent brands.

My picks for c…

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I first became aware of Anna Dawson’s work when I visited the Upper East Side outpost of Big Night. Hanging above a dining table was this glowing red orb, almost alien-like in presence. , Big Night’s owner, was in the shop that day and she told me who made the light — Anna Dawson.

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I had promised you a part 2 to the dining chairs guide, but I gotta say — I’m just not up for it.

This week, some insane stuff went down in my life that honestly turned my world upside down. I’m in a state of shock. I have no words.

It’s one more thing to add onto my pile of anxiety and uncertainty, which has been steadily mounting over the past tw…

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We have a bit of an aberration today in our regularly scheduled design-design-design! programming. But it this will all start to make sense, I promise.

And, please, if you like Schmatta, think about upgrading to a paid membership. I put a lot of time and thought into this content and I’m a real human trying to make the whole Substack thing work. Also: If you decide to become a founding member, I will help you design a room and/or create a personalized shopping list if you are in the market for a couch, table, whatever!

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Margaret Wise Brown. You know her books. Goodnight Moon. Runaway Bunny. The more I read these books to my 4-year-old, the more I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality.

Because contained within a series of four books — The Runaway Bunny (1942), Goodnight Moon (1947), My World (1949), and Good Day, Good Night (published posthumously in 2017) — are overlapping multiverses and patterns that make you seriously consider the viability of the Simulation Hypothesis.

But only if you look very, very closely.

We must, of course, give credit to Brown’s illustrator, Clement Hurd, for his work in crafting the environments of the first three books; and Loren Long for picking up Hurd’s work in Good Day, Good Night.

The decor world has long adored the Goodnight Moon bedroom with its generous striped drapery, Rococo mantel clock, and curious animal skin rug. But something sinister is lurking in this room. It should be a warning to us all.

Let’s start with the first book, The Runaway Bunny. First off, Runaway Bunny (henceforth referred to as RB) is a terrible child. All he wants is to get away from his mother bunny (MB), who is always one step ahead of RB. It’s 1942. It’s, uh, a weird time, to say the least. Americans are shipping off their sons to fight a deadly war in Europe.

First thing to pay attention to in The Runaway Bunny is the full-color image of MB baiting RB with a carrot in a stream. Remember this. It will become very important.

Second important spread in The Runaway Bunny is this fireside scene close to the end. Note that RB is now wearing blue striped pajamas, akin to Goodnight Moon. And I don’t know what we do with this information…but remember it’s 1942. Blue-and-white stripes are being used elsewhere across the Atlantic in the most diabolical of circumstances. But let’s look closer at this tableau. The furniture is similar to that of the nursery in Goodnight Moon, but more importantly, there is a full-color painting of a “cow jumping over the moon”:

Let’s now thumb over to Goodnight Moon. And I’d like to point out that the curtains on the cover are orange and red NOT yellow and green. What kind of trickery is this? Anyhow…

The first overlap we can detect is that RB and MB are now recurring characters, although in Goodnight Moon, there is no established familial relationship. MB is just an “old lady” (rude).

We are immediately re-introduced to the cow-jumping-over-the-moon painting.

We’re also going to take a look at the clock on the mantel — the time is going to advance as the book goes on. When we start the book, it’s 7 p.m.

And we finish at nearly 8 p.m.

Also, I’m sure, if you have read this book billions of times like I have, you’ll notice that the little mouse moves around the room in every illustration. Plotting something, clearly.

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Now let’s inspect that three little bears painting. Because within that painting, on the wall, is a duplicate of the cow-jumping-over-the-moon painting.

This is the point at which the sign has become untethered from reality. The cow-jumping-over-the-moon image is no longer depicting an event. It is depicting a depiction of an event. At this point, Baudrillard is having a field day.

Now, the dollhouse.

Which is clearly…where the three little bears live, because aren’t those the same curtains?? This is all becoming very “THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!”

This can be referred to as a “recursive sign system.” I refer to it as a dollhouse operating a shadow government.

But we also need to examine the bookshelf, because on it, in very teeny tiny writing, on one of the books, we can make out the title, The Runaway Bunny.

It’s fully weird at this point because now we have to consider the possibility that The Runaway Bunny ceases to be a story and becomes an artifact within its own universe.

And when we zoom out further, above the bookcase is a black-and-white painting of MB trying to bait RB in the stream.

Okay. But the true, rule-bending mindfuck comes when we can more clearly discern what is on the little bunny’s nightstand. It’s A COPY. OF. GOODNIGHT. MOON.

This is now full-on psychological warfare!!! We’ve been Black Mirrored. If the bunny in Goodnight Moon is reading Goodnight Moon, is there another bunny inside that copy reading another copy of Goodnight Moon? It’s a hall of infinite mirrors.

After some ujjayi breathing to calm us down, we can continue on to My World.

It’s 1949 and the war is over, thank Jesus. And all of a sudden MB and RB have a father figure in the picture — perhaps he’s returned unscathed (physically, yet not emotionally amirite?) from the war?

For the most part we have some super nuclear family stuff going on in this volume. MB, previously a badass mountaineer/shapeshifter/tightrope walker/the fucking “wind” as portrayed in The Runaway Bunny…

Is now relegated to the realm of women’s domestic work, multitasking between making breakfast, feeding multiple animals, and presumably moderating the behavior of both her son and husband.

Everything’s going pretty well until bam bam bam!! What the fuck is that?? It’s dinner with the in-laws and in that dining room is…a framed image of MB wrangling her motherfucking son in that G-D river that she did seven years earlier.

Are we beginning to suspect that this image is MB’s silent rebellion? An attempt to remind the patriarchy: DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH?

We will never escape this image. It simply persists.

We can all finally recover from our collective heart attacks in Good Day, Good Night, where things at least feel like a more quiet, logical progression.

The bakery — or the Bunbunnyrie — takes inspiration from Goodnight Moon’s green-and-gold curtains.

As does the bunny’s bedding:

Thankfully, there are no ominous paintings following us around. Just these “cow jumping over the moon” bookends.

Thank the lord.

Now, Goodnight, Substack people.

Goodnight, .

And Goodnight, .

Goodnight restacks everywhere.

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I used to adamantly believe that one could never trust a person in possession of a black toilet. After my experience in Milan, I might be changing my tune seeing as black toilets are everywhere there. Thus, black toilets + European city known for superior design must = some form of redemption.

Thanks to a postpartum bladder that is still very much postpartumy some four years on, I had the opportunity to experience many different toilets, toilet papers, and of course, bidets across Milan.

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Day 3

In the morning, a group of us headed out to Fondazione Prada. It was an optional activity, but I figured it would be good to spend some of my time in Milan doing something I might otherwise do as a no…

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Hello folks,

As many of you know, I just returned from Salone del Mobile, Milan’s annual, v. v. important design festival. You can catch up with my adventure by reading about my packing list, and my first installment about my experience as a first-timer. Today, I’ll give you a …

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Hello Schmattaworld!

Greetings from bed where I’ve been put out by a god-awful stomach bug. I’m on the mend and thankful it happened before Saturday, which is when I depart for Salone del Mobile aka the biggest design festival of the year. FYI, likely no letter next week as I’ll be in the thick of it, but you can count on a rundown of my experience the following week. I’ve never been to Salone, so I’ll be telling the tale as an outsider. You can read about my previous adventures in Design Industryland here:

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P.S.: Don’t forget that this month’s giveaway is open to all subscribers. Like and comment to enter!

Ahead, what I’m packing for my trip. Feel free to share your favorite travel things in the comments.

4 nights in Milan…lezzzgooooo!

Because I am someone who cares about what everyone else thinks of me, the first thing I realized after getting invited to Milan is that I wanted to look cool. Sorry if that’s lame, but whatever—I just want to look really, really cool!

Clothes & Accessories:

I acquired a bunch of new stuff from my favorite “cool mom” label, Roucha. Many many thanks to my pal, Jill Wenger, for straight up sending me a care package from heaven. I genuinely recommend Roucha for some very specific reasons—many of the jeans feature adjustable drawstrings, and are made of the softest denim I’ve ever felt; the pieces have an architectural edge without feeling too austere; and Roucha also has a points system to get free stuff! Here’s my haul:

• The Oko coat, a voluminous trench that I accessorized with the Postmodern pin. And it really is all about the pin.

  

• For pants, I got two pairs of jeans: Duchamp Stud Denim and Dessau Vintage Denim.

• The Sota shirt, an oversized short sleeve button up.

• The Toyen shirt, which I plan to wear as a light jacket option.

• The Keaton sweater, which can be worn buttoned up, or open over a tank top.

• The Gauguin sunglasses because obviously.

For bags:

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Welcome to April. I’ve been keeping an eye out for some good April Fool’s design jokes. So far, the winner is this “toilet cover” by Piglet in Bed:

But what is NOT an April Fool’s joke is this month’s giveaway for Schmatta subscribers: A copy of A Field Guide to American Houses by Virginia McAlester. More importantly, it’s truly not a joke when people refer to McAlester as “The Queen of Historic Preservation.” She spent her life advocating for the landmarking and preservation of homes and neighborhoods across Dallas.

While Schmatta giveaways are usually for paid subscribers only, this month is open to all subscribers because this book means so much to me and it’s something I want everyone to have a chance to win. (More details on entry at the end of this post.)

The Field Guide, originally published in 1984 and updated and revised in 2013, has long been considered an architectural bible for both professionals and enthusiasts. It begins over 400 years ago, detailing construction techniques of Native Americans and covering every major American domestic architectural style up to the McMansion (which she calls the “Millennial Mansion”).

My copy of this tome is well-worn: pages marked with notes in different colored inks, dog-eared, and ripped in places. I use it frequently for work (when writing about architecture and I’m unsure of a style or name of a specific architectural feature) and for pleasure (each chapter is like a fascinating mini history lesson).

I’m proud to say that I knew Virginia (she passed in 2020). My friend Amy Talkington is Virginia’s daughter, and for a time, we were all linked as family when my sister was married to Amy’s step-brother (it’s complicated but all you need to know is that we have a lot of love for each other). I spent Christmases at Virginia’s amazing mission-style home on Swiss Avenue in Dallas and we shared many family dinners together here in L.A. She was classy, kind, supremely intelligent, and the kind of older woman I looked at with respect and reverence. I only wish I had developed my interest in design and architecture before her death; I have so many questions now I’d love to ask her.

Virginia’s work lives on through one of my all-time favorite Instagram accounts, @afieldguidetoamericanhouses, where you can get a flavor of the book through posts that feature passages and illustrations. Trust me, it’s very educational!

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To enter to win your copy of A Field Guide to American Houses, you must:

• Be a Schmatta subscriber. If you’re not, sign up here.

• LIKE and COMMENT on this post.

• Follow @afieldguidetoamericanhouses on IG.

Best of luck to you all!

We have a slightly unconventional newsletter this week (and yes, late—my apologies). The past few weeks have been a particular cocktail of anticipation and low-grade chaos: waiting on answers alongside some health issues that have been…persistent. More on both in a moment, but I thought I’d take this time to talk a bit about where where my brain is at these days.

We returned back to our Pasadena home on January 1st. It was a breath of fresh air after 4+ months in NYC. “You seem like a different person,” a friend who doesn’t even know me that well texted me after just two IG Story posts from my front porch. (If you’re new here, in a nutshell, we rented our house and moved in with my parents in NYC following a series of unfortunate career blows and financial uncertainty. We’re back now, trying to “make it work” but, um, basically living off savings.)

26% off subscription sale!

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This month, one lucky paid Schmatta reader will receive 4 sets of Lazy Jamie flatware…

…as well as a Lazy Jamie cheese knife set.

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Take it from me: I have the cutlery and I love it. Compliments galore from every guest who eats in our home. (If you want to skip the whole giveaway thing and buy some now, you can use code LEONORA15 at checkout for 15% off.)

You’ve definitely heard me talk about Lazy Jamie before, in fact I included the brand’s TV tray in my “Best in Design 2025” awards.

This tray has a bunch of features that make it award-worthy: the base can slide under your couch and the tray is removable/portable. It doesn’t just need to be for TV-eating, either. It fits a laptop perfectly, so all you small space dwellers now have a new WFH option.

To enter to win the flatware and cheese knife set, you must be a paid Schmatta subscriber. To upgrade your subscription, click below:

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Once you’ve signed up for paid, you’ll be automatically entered to win for this giveaway—and every one of our monthly giveaways. Best of luck to you!

Again, if there’s something at Lazy Jamie you’ve had your eye on, feel free to use my code LEONORA15 to get 15% off your purchase.

Today, we’re talking with my friend Robert Khederian about our love for old houses. Robert’s the author of one of my top three favorite Substacks, Second Story, which covers historic NYC real estate and antiques, among other things. He and I share an obsession with history and “old fashioned-ness.” In the comments, we’d love to hear about your own old h…

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Howdy!

Welcome to the home stretch of winter. For all you east coasters, hang in there!

I’m pleased to announce our February giveaway for paid Schmatta subscribers is…the Loftie Lamp. I say this with 1000% honesty: I love my Loftie lamp. It’s definite…

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